I had been planning my entire life around my dream college.
And when I say entire life, you're probably thinking, "a lot of people do that, Allyson, you're not special!" But I mean the full meal deal; career, love life, travel, friends, leisure, happiness. I had planned out in my mind exactly how everything would go, down to the exact way my career would evolve and where I would live and how I would meet my husband and what kind of dogs I would have. And why wouldn’t it go exactly the way I planned? I had worked so hard; I deserved this and I was SURE I would be accepted. For a time, my entire life was college applications, film supplements, the SAT and screaming and fighting with my parents out of stress. (You may be saying "but Allyson, doesn't this same thing happen to every high school senior?" And I would say you are right, but you don't understand how there was completely no shred of doubt in my mind that I would be accepted into this college.) But I thought all of this would be worth it in the end, because of course I would be accepted into my dream college, there was nothing else I could’ve done better! So I thought…
When I discovered I had no choice but to go to the University of Washington for college (aside from just staying at home and being a loser, which my dad would NOT ALLOW), I spiraled into deep sadness and disappointment. I realize so many people would love to have my spot at UW so I shouldn’t complain, but in all honesty, if my dad didn’t force me to go to a 4-year University, I would’ve gladly given up my spot to someone on the wait list. I literally had told everyone I know that, despite applying, I would not go there. But here I was:
I have despised the weather here probably since I came out of the womb, and my career goals are not easily achieved in Washington. My dreams of being in the film business were calling for me to go to California, which was now impossible. On top of all that, essentially everything I love is in California; the music, the movies, the people, the food, the activities. (They have like, doggie daycares and pressed juice shops on every corner, and people see celebrities in like, the grocery store! What could be better?!)
I entered a long period of extensive disbelief, anger, moping, spontaneous sobs at the mere reminder of California, and going about life with a blank and emotionless expression wondering ‘what will I do with my life now?’ Believe it or not, I told many of my teachers and mentors “I’m now going to take up life as a hobo!” I’m sort of an all-or-nothing kind of gal.
Aside from my family and friends, there was nothing left for me here in Washington.
But, after ALL that, after all the denial, the rage, the sadness, I knew I had to go to UW and I had to find some source of happiness in the gloom. If I didn’t, when winter came along again, I would enter another period of dark, cold unhappiness, like I do every year, like I have every year of high school and middle school, as far back as I can remember. In my eyes, escaping to the lively and sunny environment of California would’ve eradicated all possibility of unhappiness. But, here I am trapped in the same state, even after completing my high school education, a turning point in life that I thought would allow me to go wherever I pleased.
So I had to do something. As much as I seem like I absolutely love complaining, being constantly dissatisfied with life is no way to live, and even someone as irrational as I am can realize this.
But what to do? I knew, not being in a renowned film program like I had been planning on, I wasn’t going to be passionate about my classes, so I no longer had that to look forward to. Seattle is fun, but most of the ‘fun’ is expensive, so that doesn’t seem like a reasonable solution. Clubs? Well, a possibility, still a bit unpredictable. Plus I was too shy to join many clubs in high school, so...
One of my best friends, my cousin, also goes to UW, but she would graduate the June before I begin classes. I remembered, for years she’d been talking nonstop about her sorority. For so long the only things she posted on social media were about her sorority. While I call these ‘the lost years,’ the years we weren’t very close, when we did see her, she ranted and raved about her sorority, about how great it is and how much fun it is, and nothing is better than seeing someone you love so happy. And, of course, we always had fun giving her shit about it, sometimes about the sorority stigma, but mostly about the fact that she had nothing else to talk about.
My great aunt, my mom’s aunt, Patty, was also in a sorority at UW, back in the 70’s, and she absolutely adored it. My mom always tells me about how much she loves it and about how she always goes back to bond with her sisters and they have like tea parties or something. To her, it was an invaluable experience.
But I had ruled this possibility out long ago. I’m not the type. I never conform. I always defy social norms. Not purposely, it sort of just happens. Whether it’s dyeing my hair, having an orange car, or wearing creative and strange outfits. There’s no way I could do it; I don’t like being ‘one in the crowd.’ I enjoy and pride myself in being unique and maintaining that standard. Plus, [insert whisper voice] I don’t party enough, I could never do it. [end whisper voice]
But NOW, I was rethinking all of this. On one hand, without classes and curriculum I’m passionate about, why don’t I start partying? It seems like a great alternative to the eternal sadness I’m in right now. On the other, more morally righteous hand, I know that I am happiest when I am surrounded by a group of my good friends, and I remembered, that in the gloom of winter, the main thing that cheered me up were our get-togethers. My cousin had been ranting for years about all the amazing friends she’s made in her sorority, so this seems like the best solution right? This seems like the best way to turn my rage and disappointment towards UW into something more positive. I’ll be in a sorority! Perfect!
So I quickly did a 180. I went from ‘Eh, I’m not really a sorority person’ to ‘GO TO ALL THE STORES EVERY STORE IN THE MALL ALSO ONLINE I NEED A LOT OF DRESSES LET’S GO.’
I always do this to myself. When I decide I want to do something, I decide I have to RULE AT IT. I HAVE TO BE THE BEST. I mean, I went from ‘Eh, I just want to wing it on the SAT, let’s just see what I get’ to ‘TAKE THE SAT THREE TIMES GET A TUTOR OBSESS OVER IT LEARN EVERY STATISTIC ABOUT IT ALSO CRY ABOUT IT EVERY DAY ALSO CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP THINKING ABOUT IT.’ I went from ‘Eh, I think I want to join choir’ to ‘YOUR ENTIRE LIFE REVOLVES AROUND CHOIR BE IN THREE CHOIRS INCLUDING THE TOP CHOIR ALSO TAKE VOICE LESSONS AND COMPETE IN SOLO CONTESTS.’
In some ways, this is a useful mindset. In the SAT example it was not, in the choir one, it was. It’s really a gamble.
So here I was, knowing nothing about sororities, Greek life, or the rush process, deciding, huh, this is probably a good idea right? Let’s put all of our effort into this because, well, without California, what else do I have to be excited about?
I was a bit worried because whenever my mom told our friends and family I was going to rush they were all very surprised. But I had to remind myself, yes, this isn’t me, but I’m going to step out of my comfort zone anyways.
Luckily, I had made this decision early enough to attend Greek preview, a faux day of rush that takes place in May, for local students to get a feel of how the process works. You’re ushered from house to house by older sorority girls called RC’s (recruitment counselors) and you visit a sampling of six of the 19 sororities UW has and get a feel for what the different ‘rounds’ of rush are like. These rounds consist of everything from simply talking to the girls (Open House), seeing the different parts of their houses (House Tours), doing crafts (Philanthropy) and even being served food (Preference).
I was both astounded and intrigued by the entire thing. I was in love with everything, from the houses to the gorgeous girls, their incredibly put together matching outfits and even their adorable handmade name tags. I was so impressed by it all, this just drove home the fact that this IS what I’m going to do and this is a GREAT decision.
I’m going to rush for a sorority.