[Names of houses have been omitted and names of women have been changed for anonymity.]
After one of the best summers of my life, after adventuring all over the world and rejuvenating my tired soul from a hectic senior year, September inevitably comes.
And after frantically preparing my outfits for the seven days of rush and packing up my entire life into 7 boxes and Rubbermaid tubs, my mom and I pile into the car and drive up to UW for FFR (Formal Fall Recruitment) orientation, two weeks before school starts (one week for rush, another to get acclimated to your new home before classes).
Sitting in UW’s large lecture hall, we’re given the lowdown on recruitment.
[If you're a sorority woman or you've been through recruitment for any reason, feel free to skip to the next divider. Be warned, throughout this story, many aspects of Rush are described in detail as this is written with those who have no knowledge of Greek life in mind.]
There are four rounds. In the first round, Open House, you visit all 18 participating sororities (the 19th sorority at UW does not participate in formal fall recruitment). This is easy in the fact that you just talk to some girls (if you’re good at talking) but grueling in the fact that you do it 18 times. This lasts for two days, seeing nine houses in one day, and nine the next, and you’re in each house for about 35 minutes.
In the second round, House Tours, you can visit up to 13 of the houses. In this round the girls give you a tour of the elaborate mansions, but the ‘way to tell if it’s a great house for you’ is if you’re so engrossed in the conversations with the girls, you can’t even remember what their house looks like. This round is also split between two days.
In the third round, Philanthropy, you can visit up to 8 houses, and in this round, the women generally give a presentation about the charity they support and sometimes you even do a craft that supports their charity (I was very excited for this because ARTS AND CRAFTS). If you didn’t know, charity work is a very big part of Greek life today, which I think is awesome.
In the fourth round, Preference, you can visit up to 3 houses, and in this round, the women usually sing songs, give speeches, and there's usually some sort of ceremony. It’s a very meaningful round, usually you talk to a woman you’ve already talked to at least once already during the week and connected with, and supposedly lots of the women cry during this because they’re telling you what their house means to them.
Then, the next day is Bid Day, the best day of your life! You get your bid card, run across campus to your new sisters, leap into their welcoming arms (in slow motion with like glitter and confetti falling everywhere) and move into the house. Parents can come help move you in and see the house, then everyone goes to the football game with their new sisters! My mom just so happened to win tickets to the Bid Day game this year in a raffle, so everything was perfect and in place. I quickly began to dream about this day; showing my mom the amazing organization I’m going to join, moving my stuff into my new beautiful home, then everyone celebrating at the football game. Then, the week after that, the week before school, is filled with even more awesome activities! This week is called welcome week and people kept saying how it’s one of the best weeks ever, but the fun just continues after that, because, of course, it’s Greek life.
Everything was starting to look up for young Allyson.
The parents were asked to go to another lecture hall while the girls stayed, so we split up for separate orientations.
A petite blonde woman in incredibly nice wedges and an even more impressive skirt takes the stage. She begins to tell the story of how she went through rush, and it was the best thing she ever did. She told us she knows it’s a difficult and grueling process, but it’s an age-old process and it works, and everyone will find the right home for them. And when you get there, she said, it is the best feeling you have ever felt. These women will become more than your friends, they will become your best friends, your sisters. Your study buddies, your shoulder to cry on, your bridesmaids, your lifelong supporters. These are the people who will be there when you make bad decisions, when a boy is a jerk to you, when you need to stay up late and talk about your life and when you need to go on a 1 AM run to Safeway for ice cream. This is a big life decision, she said, but you made the right choice by signing up for recruitment, and the journey to your new family starts tomorrow.
Mind you, this woman’s job is to travel across the country, going to each of the big universities, and giving this speech about how great sorority life is. She goes by the name of KJ McNamara, and this is her job. But man, even thought I knew it was her job, I was sold. I was like, yes honey, sign me up, I am ready. If I wasn’t ready before, I definitely am now. I’m going to make it at this college that I despise because of this, because of these people, because of all these loving vibes. Now I can do it, I thought, I can make it here at UW.
After going to dinner with my parents, meeting my roommate (who was from guess where? California, OF COURSE), moving my entire life into a tiny dorm room at the shittiest dorm building in all of UW, it was time to say goodbye. My mom was crying, which made me really sad because if anyone deserves not to cry, it would be her. I tried to be as sympathetic as I could, but I knew if I talked too much I would start crying, because I was honestly so scared and I didn’t want them to leave. (Weeks later my brother told me my mom cried for two hours straight after they left, which really wrecked me.) My brother was forced to give me a hug, and my dad said he was proud of me for doing something out of my comfort zone, which meant a lot to me considering he’s a quiet man that doesn’t express pride all too often. Then, after my dad asking my mom (unsympathetically) to get in the car, they were gone.
Immediately I felt very… alone.
(I’m kind of tearing up writing this… awkward.)
Alright, I thought, let’s do this. My RC group (Recruitment Counselor Group) had contacted me via a group chat they created and invited everyone to go to ice cream that night. So, after we’d all moved in and got settled, we met at the front of the building to walk to ice cream a few blocks away. There were four recruitment counselors, who introduced themselves as our recruitment moms, and a few dozen PNM’s (Potential New Members AKA me). At ice cream, I began talking to one of the RC’s about the process, her name was Alexa, and she was so nice, literally one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met and I’d only known her for ten minutes. On our way back, the other RC’s kept cracking jokes and making us laugh. They were honestly hilarious. Maybe it was the ice cream, but I was filled with a strong sense of hope. I may be out here in Seattle on my own, but everything was going to be okay.
Day 1 and 2:
I wake up the next morning at the crack of dawn (aka 6 AM) and do my makeup basically in the dark. One, because it’s still dark outside our one little window and two, because my roommate doesn’t require an hour to get ready like I do and I didn’t want to wake her up with my blinding desk lamp. (This ended up being a stupid decision because this only made my makeup take even longer.) I remember forgoing my false lashes, which I absolutely love wearing, because I remember my cousin telling me to tone down my makeup the first few days so I don’t look like I’m trying too hard. It was against my better judgement but I trusted her, so I wore as little makeup as I could, which ultimately wasn’t that little but it was the best I could do.
At orientation, along with a schedule, a map, and a drawstring bag, we got these two t-shirts, one for each day of house tours, the first two days of rush. The point of them was so we all look the same and the first impression isn’t about our outfits, it’s about ‘us’ as people. It also took a little weight off our shoulders; we didn’t have to stress over our outfits for a few days. Everyone had been complaining about how ugly the colors were this year, one was this navy-ish color and the other was a pale periwinkle/lavender thing. I liked the pastel one so I grabbed it off the hanger. The front had a W where the chest pocket would be and under it a little ‘Recruitment 2016’ all written in white. The back had big, fancy, cursive writing that read ‘You’ll always stand out, but you’ll never stand alone. Formal Fall Recruitment 2016.’ How inspiring, how heartfelt.
We all meet our RC’s at the front of the building to walk across campus onto Greek Row and to our first house. We take twenty minutes to line up in perfect rows according to the number on our nametags on the sidewalk in front of the house. I thought it was a little intense considering we’re not kindergarteners, but organization is important I guess.
Then we stand there silent, staring at this giant wooden door, with the letters of the sorority looming over us, as the RC’s stand to the side and look at their watches, counting down the seconds. One RC shouts “smile!” and I give a strained smile at a closed door. I haven’t had makeup on this early in the morning since my last day of high school and my skin was in pain. I’m shaking as the numbers continue to count down, having absolutely no idea what was coming. I get stressed out talking to new people in a normal setting, this was like that but on steroids. I try to take deep breaths and calm down; I don’t want their first impression to be of me sweating.
Then, all of a sudden, the doors and windows fly open, so forcefully they smack against the adjacent walls. Dozens of girls poke their heads out, singing (more like screaming) and clapping and flipping their hair in this iconic thing called a ‘door chant.’ (Youtube it if you've never seen one.) Door chants differ from school to school, but the basic idea is to get the PNM’s pumped for what’s to come, like a pep band for a football team. A lot of people are annoyed by them, or think they’re stupid, but me? I was sold.
These girls looked like they were having SO MUCH FUN! Even though I knew that they’ve been told to smile and perform cheerfully, I still wanted to be a part of whatever all this shouting and dancing was. Looks great to me! I’ll have what they’re having.
When it was over the girls shuffled into lines in the entry way and two girls walked out of the doors to greet us, hands clasped behind their back, heads held high, heels even higher. They introduced themselves in the most robotic and unnaturally cheery voice I had ever heard.
“Welcome to [insert house here], we’re so excited to meet you! Come on in!”
They then stepped back and took their posts on either side of the door, all smiles and white teeth. I was a bit taken aback by the theatrics of it all.
An RC placed at the top of the front steps nodded at the first PNM in line, and she began the treacherous walk up the steps and into the first house. After she had gone a half dozen steps or so, the RC nodded again and the second girl fell in step behind the first, and so on. Right as the first PNM passed through the threshold, the girl on the right said “Hi, this is Jessica!” Then Jessica cheerfully introduced herself to the first girl as she went inside the house. Then, to the second PNM, the girl on the left said “Hi, this is my sister, Amy!” and so on.
I watched this for what felt like an eternity. Eventually I felt as though my fear would get the best of me and when the line got to me I wouldn’t be able to do it and I would freeze. But finally, the RC nodded at me, and to my amazement, my feet began to move. Hopefully the shaking in my legs wasn’t very noticeable as I somehow made it all the way up the steps without eating shit.
I was greeted by a small girl with perfectly curled brown hair after the girl by the door screamed her name into my ear as I entered the house. Since I’m a giant I sort of leaned down so I could hear her.
“Hi, I’m Emily,” she said, even though we’d both heard her name from Door Greeter 1 literally one second ago. “Welcome to [insert house], what’s your name?”
Luckily, I managed to remember my name, then she offered me water as we walked into a living room. I took the water, only because I knew my voice had been messed up because of my choir and singing ventures, and I didn’t want any chance of it giving out. I had heard horror stories of girls spilling the water in sorority houses and while I didn’t really want any opportunity for me to make a fool out of myself, I went with my gut and took it anyways. (Oooh scary! Water! Oh no!)
We sat in large ornate armchairs as the rest of the girls sat with the sorority women who greeted them in similar chairs and couches. As soon as we started talking, I quickly became much more relaxed. Answering questions and talking about myself wasn’t as hard as I thought. She asked me about where I was from, what’s it like there, what my major is and what I like to do. I surprisingly had a lot to talk about, who knew? Luckily, my mom is very good at conversing with people, especially strangers. I think right then, after years of being bored while my mom gabs in the grocery store, all the conversational skills I’d subconsciously learned from her kicked in, and I was able to eloquently answer any question about myself Emily could throw. I hoped my answers were sufficient, I tried to seem as enthusiastic and cheery as I could, smiling constantly, like any good sorority woman, right? It was early, but I’ve had to dance early and I’ve had to sing earlier, who says I can’t talk early?
Then, after a few minutes, another sorority girl crouched beside us and put her hand on my girl’s thigh as I finished telling her about what I did in high school. “Allyson,” Emily said, “this is my sister, Marissa. Marissa,” she turned to Marissa and, as if reading from a script, said “Allyson and I were just talking about how she danced in high school.”
“No way!” Marissa exclaimed, “I danced too! What kind of dance did you do?”
“Ballet,” I said with a laugh and a bright smile, mimicking hers.
“Ok” my girl says, standing up, “I’ll let you two talk, it was so nice to meet you, Allyson!”
“Nice to meet you too!” I say after her as Marissa takes her seat.
After asking “how my day is” (it just started, it’s literally 8 AM, crazy woman) Marissa, and the subsequent girls who came to tag team her out, continued the long, seemingly endless string of questions. Am I close with my family? What are my friends like? Was UW my first choice? (Awkward.) What am I most looking forward to at UW? Why did I decide to go through recruitment? What am I looking forward to most in being in a sorority?
It sounds tedious but honestly, talking about yourself is not as hard as you would think. (Unless you already think you’re great at talking about yourself, you go Glen Coco.) The only thing I had to be cautious about was keeping my answers positive. As an obvious pessimist, it would be so easy for me to be like “no, I fucking hate Washington, I don’t want to be here,” “yeah, I did ballet, but it was fucking hard,” “I just came here to drink away my sorrows, you know what I mean?”
So I had to reel all that back and be like “yeah, life is great, I love everything!” But, after years of being forced to smile on stage and learning to do it very convincingly, it really wasn’t difficult.
Eventually a girl walked in with a glass and a knife and clinked them together until the deafening sound of voices fell silent.
“Hi, I’m the president of [insert house] and we’ve had such an amazing time getting to know you. Unfortunately, our party has come to an end. Please make your way to the door.”
It sounded so much like she was literally reading lines from a script, and the prim way she held her glass and smiled through tight lips; it spooked me once again. But, you know, I’ve never been above acting, plus she looks all cool and dignified. Sign me up for her job, man.
I looked at my glass and my napkin that had the house’s letters emblazoned on it in metallic lettering. I’d barely made a dent in my water considering I was talking most of the time. I placed it on a silver platter with other nearly-full glasses on my way out the door.
“It was so nice meeting you,” the last girl said with a big smile.
“Nice meeting you too!” I said, trying to smile at her but also trying to watch where I’m going so I don’t eat it tripping over the threshold.
“I hope you have a great rest of the day!” she said as she we parted and she stepped back into the lines they had formed after the door chant.
“Thanks, you too,” I called behind me as I exited, but since I was basically already outside it probably looked like I was talking to my RC’s or something.
As everyone in our RC group scrambled to grab our bags off the sidewalk (you can’t bring anything into the houses, this is to ensure no briberies or notes are exchanged, aka ‘dirty rushing’) our RC’s greeted us by jumping up and down and shouting “You did it! First party of the day!” (These strictly scheduled speed-dating-esc things are called ‘parties.’)
These people are way too cheery for 8 AM, I thought, but it's nice they're trying to keep our morale up.
“Woohoo!” One RC shouted, “NEXT HOUSE, LET’S DO THIS!” She pointed a powerful finger in front of her and began stomping up the street confidently.
So this process continued, the exact same thing a million times. Line up, wait, smile, door chant, wait, walk in, don’t trip, decide if water is risky or not, sit, talk, girls tag team, talk, leave. Again and again. All the houses were essentially the same. (Except for this one house, they had mason jars instead of water glasses. What the fuck is this, the south?)
Eventually, I formulated a sort of script for all of the questions, because they were usually the same across the board. When asked “What was the coolest thing you did this summer?” I could recite the order of the countries on my summer Europe trip lightning fast.
This went on for two days, luckily we had ample time to relax at lunch, which was nice. The first day I found one of my RC’s in the dining hall and sat by her with a few of the other PNM’s in my group.
The second day, my voice was exhausted, and as much as I adored my RC’s, I couldn’t possibly talk. So I quickly ate my lunch and went up to my room.
My mom and my cousin were texting me, knowing it was my lunch break, and asking how I was doing.
‘How’s it going?’ my cousin asked in our three-person group chat. ‘Any houses stick out to you yet?’
‘Good, not as hard as I thought’ I replied, letting the second question pass as I started to chat and joke about other things.
Eventually my mom texted me privately ‘How come you didn’t answer her? Have none of the houses stuck out to you yet?’
‘No,’ I sent back, ‘one has, I’m just scared to tell her.’
So there’s this thing with Greek Life you most likely already know because of movies and shit. All the houses, fraternities and sororities both, are kind of ranked, not officially, it’s more of a lowkey unofficial thing. There’s ‘top’ houses, ‘bottom’ houses, and ‘in-between’ houses. It's not drastic or ridiculous like portrayed in film and TV, but it's still there prevalent, and it can be jarring when you hear rumors about a house you care about. These rankings are created based on the usual; reputation, popularity, sociability, partying, whatever you want to call it. It isn’t actually written anywhere what the criteria is, everyone just ‘knows’ roughly the idea of it through means like gossip, the internet, just general knowledge etc. I mean if you're a strong ass independent person, then this is totally irrelevant to you. I, however, can not say the same about myself.
But the way they run rush on the surface is this rose-colored glasses shit like “there’s no such thing as top or bottom houses! Every house is great!” (I'm not even supposed to say the phrase ‘bottom house’ or ‘top house.’)
Now, this claim is true, all the houses probably have great women in them, I don’t doubt it. But these reputations still stand, regardless. I really shouldn’t care at all, and if I was the strong and powerful woman I’d like to be, I wouldn’t even be thinking about it. But the reality is, I am very weak, and I am easily swayed by what people say, so I was in fact taking all this into consideration.
The problem was, I didn’t know ALL the reputations. I didn't know many sorority women. I knew SOME reputations, and I tried my hardest (and probably failed) when inside those houses to not judge them based on the few rumors I’d heard about them. But my limited knowledge left the many houses I knew nothing about to my own judgement, which I didn’t trust because I knew NOTHING and I thought they were all fantastic honestly. I was terrified that since I didn’t know every rumor there was to know about every sorority, I was going to make the wrong choice. (I know this is very irrational and if you find yourself in a similar position to me, I don’t recommend approaching rush this way.)
KJ McNamara’s voice came to me then. She had said to judge the houses not on the appearance of the women, the appearance of the house, the reputation, but on the conversations. And when you are in that house that is right for you, your home, you will feel it.
SO, I was scared to tell my cousin because what if I told her the name of the house that left the biggest impression on me, which I knew absolutely nothing about aside from my own observations, and she had to break it to me that actually, she heard that they suck. Would I still be able to love them? Or would my impressionable little mind just crumble?
‘Tell me the name’ my mom texted.
I sighed, knowing I had to tell her. ‘Chi Omega?’ I texted back.
Ok, like seriously they were literally so cool I couldn’t believe. The first girl I spoke to talked about planting succulents and all the other things they do to bond (WHO LOVES BONDING MORE THAN ME?) and another girl noticed my makeup and we gushed to each other about how we would wear a full face of makeup every day in high school and not even care. She even told me how she does other girls’ makeup for their formals, and I had just started doing other peoples’ makeup at home. These seem like such surface things, but I had a great time talking to these girls about them, and I was happy to be in a house where I had similar interests and passions to the girls. (Trust me, it’s really awkward being in a house and not finding any common interests to talk about.) Not to mention that their house was bright and spacious, just the right environment to combat my seasonal depression this winter, amirite?
I can’t really put it into the right words, but, like the great KJ McNamara said, I had that feeling.
After I sent the text I tossed my phone into my bag quickly and left. Time to finish off the last day of Open House.
When the last party was over I immediately reached to get my phone out of my bag.
‘I liked Chi O.’ the text from my cousin read. ‘They’re really cool.’
I knew my mom was going to tell her.
But was secretly thankful, because my cousin only had good things to say about Chi O.
‘Really?’ I texted back tentatively.
‘Yeah,’ she replied, ‘I preffed there.’
No way?!
Preference is the last round, and you can only go to, at most, three houses. So to ‘pref’ a house, you must really like them. Or they must really like you. Or both.
All the worry kind of whooshed out of me all at once, like letting go of a breath I’d been holding.
‘Wow, that’s great!’ I replied.
‘Yep,’ she texted back, ‘cool house, cool girls.’
Alright, I thought, Chi O it is. BRING IT ON RUSH WEEK!
That evening we went to the library to prioritize. This is where you go into a computer lab and put in your rankings of the houses at the end of each round. You rank as many houses as the next round allows as 1, so for example, since the next round is House Tours and you can have up to 13 houses, I ranked thirteen of the houses as number 1. The rest of the 18 that are left over go 2, 3, 4, etc. in the order you like (or dislike) them. I remember moving Chi O to the top number 1 spot on the screen, while knowing full well the order of the 1’s didn’t matter.
Since the rest of the week we had less houses each day, we got to get up later, which was AMAZING. Exhaustion from hours of dancing could not compare to how exhausted hours of talking to strangers made me.
I slept like a baby that night.
Day 3:
The next morning when I woke up, the sun was actually out, so that was great. I even took pictures of the gorgeous view outside our dorm. No more blindly doing makeup in the darkness. I remember nervously texting my RC group’s chat and explaining how my cousin had told me to tone my makeup down the first few days but I felt naked without my lashes and really wanted to wear them.
One of the RC’s texted back and said ‘Wear them! Be yourself!’
‘Totally, do you!’ another one said.
‘Yeah,’ a third said, ‘authenticity is cool! :)’
I sighed in relief. I mean, I suppose it would’ve been too bitchy of them to be like ‘nah honey, that’s too much’ but it made me feel so much better anyways.
So I went all out on my makeup. Full glam, lashes, the works. I took too many selfies. That one little grimy window provided great lighting. I was READY.
Each RC group met in a classroom on campus to take roll and hand out the schedules of the houses that you got back. They had taken our nametags last night and our schedules were tucked inside the back of our nametags.
I was so excited, I was already basically in love with all the houses, who knew what amazing possibilities this day held! Plus, house tours?! I’ve already seen all the stunning living rooms, imagine what the rest will look like!
Before getting our schedules we were all given a piece of paper to write down our guesses for what houses we think the RC’s are in. It’s a fun game they like to play to see if we can guess what house they’re in just by personality. Then they reveal themselves to us on Bid Day. But, being a clever little shit, and also one who hates ‘not knowing things,’ I was able to figure it out by looking at their Instagram profiles (which they all diligently put on private) and clicking the little arrow that shows ‘related accounts.’ The first account that always came up on their related accounts was a UW sorority account; accounts the sororities have to advertise their organization to potential members, other members of the Greek community, and connect with alums. So I wrote each respective house that I saw on their accounts, 99% sure I was correct.
(Ok, I didn’t do this just because I’m a little shit; one of them had mentioned if we actually guess right, they would take us out for coffee. So, fingers crossed for free coffee.)
To ensure privacy, one RC stood by the door with all our nametags and schedules to hand to us as we exit the room. I waited excitedly for them to call my name.
When they finally did, the RC smiled at me as I took my schedule. I smiled back and hurried outside to begin my walk to Greek Row.
But, when I looked down to eagerly scan my schedule, I felt as though my soul left my body.
I think I stopped walking for a second to make sure my eyes were reading correctly. I stopped so suddenly, I think some girl ran into me.
8 houses? 8 HOUSES?! What the fuck do you mean 8 houses?!
I ripped it out of its little clear pocket in the nametag and frantically flipped it over. Nothing. Nothing’s on the back.
My mom and my cousin were excitedly texting our group chat. ‘Schedule? Schedule?!’
I didn’t even want to show them; I was too ashamed. But of all the people in the world, they had seen me at my worst.
I quickly sent them a snapshot of it and captioned it ‘what the fuck.’
‘What’ they said.
‘Only 8 houses?!’
‘No, no,’ my cousin texted back. ‘That’s just half of them, House Tours spans two days, you’ll get a new schedule tomorrow.’
Oh, well I could’ve sworn the RC’s had said differently, but for a moment I was relieved. I looked to a random pair of girls walking beside me, one of them was taller than me and a bit intimidating. (Who is taller than ME?)
“Hey,” I said to them, trying to keep my voice from shaking “is this just the schedule for today?”
“No,” the tall scary girl said harshly. “It’s both days.”
“Ok, thanks,” I said as my feet slowed and they walked past me.
I looked down, my eyes boring into my schedule. Fat tears welled up into my eyes, and I had to look up to the clouds to keep them from falling and ruining my makeup.
How?
How? I wondered.
I thought I was doing so great! I’ve never smiled more in my life! I most definitely have never talked more in my life! What happened?
How could 10 houses not like me? How could my first impression be so shitty that 10 entire houses dropped me?
I glanced at the schedule again. Chi O was still there, thank God. And one other house I had also really liked that I knew was good had also been spared. But the rest, I didn't like. I didn’t want them. I hadn’t even put them as number 1’s. Why had they come back and the others didn’t? I couldn’t believe it; I was so mad at myself.
My cousin’s sorority was gone, no chance now that we’ll ever have that bond.
My great aunt’s sorority was gone. I knew she would’ve gotten such a kick out of me being in the same sorority as her, considering she doesn’t have any daughters, only two sons. I failed at that too.
So many had been taken away from me, with just one little flimsy piece of paper.
But I couldn’t give up yet, Chi O is still on there. I halted the tears. I can’t throw in the towel already, it’s only the third day.
I went to my first house tour, trying my best to not look like I had just been on the verge of a breakdown. Trying to walk up and down stairs without tripping was a good thing to focus on so I didn’t think about my pathetic schedule. And the houses of course were magnificent. Gorgeous, handmade decorations adorned the walls and shelves, showing the pride all the girls had for their houses.
The RC’s tell you their schedule so you can come hang out with them on your breaks and ask them questions if you need. I had a few breaks in my schedule (more than I would’ve liked) and the only other option would be to walk around campus (too tired) or go back to the dorm and sit my ass in my room (too far). So when the first break came up; I went to find them.
I checked their schedule and my map, and eventually found them sitting on the rock walls outside a house while a House Tour ‘party’ went on inside.
“Hey Allyson,” they greeted me. “What’s up?”
“Not much.” Suddenly noticing no other PNM’s around, not wanting to be the odd one out, I panicked. “Wait, is this weird? Has no one else visited you today?”
“No,” Alexa laughed, “you’re not the first one, don’t worry,” she said kindly.
“Ok, good,” I sighed. I sat on the wall, the rough rocks digging into my bare thighs, and I pulled a granola bar out of my bag. After eating it in silence, I began to fiddle with the wrapper, staring down at it, folding and unfolding it over and over.
“Are you ok?” One of the RC’s asked. Her name was Cara, a quirky, charismatic girl from California. Because of all the shenanigans she had used to entertain us while waiting for the door chants, I thought she was completely hilarious, definitely the biggest personality out of the bunch.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, not looking at her, not wanting her to know I was a wreck.
“You sure?”
“I mean; I’m just really disappointed in my schedule,” for some reason I felt like I could be honest with her, even though I didn't even know her.
“Why?”
“I only have 8 houses.” I admitted.
“Hey, that’s not even bad! That’s actually pretty normal!”
“Really?”
“Totally! 8 to 10 houses is pretty average. Plus, it doesn’t even really matter. Ellie, how many houses did you have second round?” She pointed a finger at one of the other RC’s.
“6.” Ellie said, engrossed in a Seventeen magazine.
“See,” Cara said, “6, and she found a home that she loves.”
Ellie nodded, looking up for a moment and smiling confidently at me before turning back to her magazine.
“Oh, I mean, that’s good then.” I still kind of thought what she was saying was BS, but I had no idea and it made me feel better anyways.
“Yeah,” she said, nodding at me with a sly smile. “You’ll be ‘ight.”
I laughed, feeling less discouraged.
“Also, it was you that guessed all of our houses right?”
I winced. I was about to lie and play stupid, but I really liked these guys and I wondered if I might get more points in their book for being clever. “Yeah,” I said nervously, “do I get a prize?” I said, mostly joking, a little serious.
They all laughed, but I didn’t see anyone handing me a Starbucks gift card.
“How did you do it?” One of them asked.
I explained the Instagram thing and they all nodded. “Ah, smart,” Cara said.
“Wow, I guess making them private isn’t foolproof anymore!” The quieter, tall RC, Kaitlin, mentioned with a smile. She was beautiful, skinny and blonde, and she never wore a stitch of makeup. I hadn’t heard her talk a lot, but I really admired her quiet yet positive personality. She was often smiling.
“Just don’t tell anyone, ok?” Ellie asked.
“Oh, of course,” I said, “I didn’t have any intention of telling the others, I just wanted to see if there was some cool prize or something,” I admitted.
We all had a good laugh about that (still no Starbucks card) before the conversation transitioned to something unrelated to recruitment. The whole interaction just allowed me to relax a little bit more.
But later that day, during lunch, my mind got the best of me and I began to panic. I had gone up to my room at lunch to touch up my makeup, and my roommate told me she had 12 houses (that fucking bitch). I didn’t even tell her how many houses I had when she asked, I just beat around the bush until I could leave the room without being too sudden because I just couldn’t admit it to her. I started texting my mom frantically.
‘I literally suck,’ ‘I failed, this is pointless,’ ‘I barely have any houses left that I like,’ ‘Why am I even here.’
‘Hey,’ she texted me, ‘you should go to Patty’s.’
‘What?’
‘She texted me and said you can go see her, she’s free. She also said you can sleep over if you want.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. Just text her and tell her when you’re coming.’
My great aunt Patty stayed close to her roots, she lives 20 minutes away from the UW Seattle campus in Bothell. I had never been there on my own though. And since she lives so far from our house in Olympia, we don’t see her all that often, and while I don’t doubt that she loves me a ton, I didn’t know we were that close.
‘Ok, I only have one more house today, then I’ll go.’
I texted Patty and told her my plan, and went to my last ‘party’ of the day before booking it out of there, jumping into my car and speeding away from that hellhole they call a dorm.
As I drove, I was immensely thankful my parents allowed me to have my car here. Just being off the campus I felt like I could breathe easier.
I got to Patty’s house and nervously walked up to the front door.
“Welcome,” she said in her quiet, calm voice, wrapping me up in a big hug.
“Thanks so much for letting me come over,” I said.
“Of course, you’re always welcome.”
We went into the kitchen where I sat on a barstool and she handed me a slice of banana bread she had made. I don’t even really like banana bread but I swear to God that was the best piece of banana bread I had ever tasted. Maybe it was just the comfort of a safe environment, but I have never had a better banana bread since.
"So how's it going?" she said leaning against the counter, looking at me through her big round glasses.
"Eh, it's going okay."
"That's not what your mom said."
"Ugh." I groaned, afraid I would cry if I talked about it.
"She said you weren’t happy with your schedule." I'm was glad she said it so I didn't have to.
"I just thought I would have a chance to be in any one I wanted." I sighed.
“That’s impossible, don’t think about that" she chuckled. "She said you liked Chi Omega though, right? You still have them?"
"Yeah," I said as we moved to sit on the couch.
"I liked them when I was there. Many great girls."
I brought all the papers and pamphlets from rush to show her. I thought she would find it interesting how different rush has become since the 70’s. I took them all out of my bag and set them on the couch and handed her the financial sheets I'd gotten from the houses I'd visited today.
"Well, I haven’t been to Chi O yet this round, I go there tomorrow."
"Wow" she said, looking at the expenses. "We didn't have anything like this when I did it."
She started looking through the other schedules and info packets with interest. "This is nice; you guys even get a map! I bet that helps a lot."
"Definitely," I laughed. After a silent moment I said, "I'm sorry I couldn't get into your house." She had even sent in a recommendation for me, I felt so bad.
"Don't apologize," she waved me away, "it clearly wasn't the right fit, and that's okay, everyone ends up in the right place for them." Then she said "your mom's cousin, Jeanne, cried and cried because they dropped her too. But the house she ended up in was perfect for her. Mine wouldn't have been right."
"I guess," I said, still struggling with the concept that I'm not good enough to fit in ANY house I want. But I guess that would make it awkward for the houses to pick girls if everyone could fit in any house.
"You'll be okay," she said encouragingly "you just have to power through. It's always shocking when you get your first schedule back."
"Yeah, I bet," I sighed.
She stood then and walked out of the room. She came back momentarily with a stack of scrapbooks and annuals.
"Look" she said, opening one and turning to a group photo.
Young Patty was standing amongst many poised young women in satin dresses and tightly curled hair, some on decorative chairs or kneeling on that ground, some standing crowded in the back. They were all smiling brightly.
“They’re beautiful,” I said as she turned to more and more similar photos.
“We had so many great times together.” She said.
Patty is my Nana’s younger sister. (Her nickname is Nana because Grandma sounded much too old for her.) My Nana, Marilyn, passed away six years ago, and she was one of the kindest, most wonderful women I have ever met, and a huge part of my childhood. She was undoubtedly the grandparent that I was closest too. Patty has such a similar voice and similar facial features to my Nana, just being around her reminded me of her and I felt more at ease than I had in a long time. I curled up on the couch as Patty regaled me with tales of her time in her sorority.
Through the photos and her stories, I could see how amazing being in one of these organizations was. They did so many different things with so many different people, and, even back then, took quite a few beautiful photos. She had nothing but wonderful stories to tell me.
This only made me more excited, more anxious and to see which house will be mine at the end of the week, which house will be my home. My hope had been restored.
In the later hours of the night, Patty was showing me a documentary on her DVR that she thought I would like. (Being a lover of film, of course I wanted to see it.)
But, my eyelids felt like led and I was staring at the screen using more effort than I had in my entire life to keep them open. ‘Don’t be rude, don’t be rude’ I thought, my brain screaming with effort, ‘stay awake, stay awake.’ I’ve honestly never had any trouble staying awake in my entire life, I’ve always been a night owl, so this was pretty strange for me.
It was so difficult, but I hadn’t really ever spent time with Patty just the two of us before so I wanted to be courteous and watch it.
But in all honesty, to this day I still have no idea what that movie was about.
Eventually Patty saw me with my eyes fully closed and nearly snoring. “Come on, time for bed,” she said as my head jerked up off the couch. I tried to say sorry but she just waved me away, she didn’t care. She shut the movie off and walked me upstairs to show me my bed.
Compared to my sad, tiny bed in my dorm, this bed was AMAZING. It was massive and had a huge fluffy comforter. That night I think I slept better than I ever have in my entire life. And I didn’t even have any houses until one o’clock so I got to sleep in! YEEHAW!